______Orsanovo 4.0 - Fall Calling ~ Coming Into My Own______

Monday, May 30, 2005

\\*"To exist just for yourself is meaningless. You can achieve the most satisfaction when you feel related to some greater purpose in life..." - Waitley*//

Unfortunatley, this is how I feel at the moment. Like I'm just kind of existing, not relly effecting anything. Its not the greatest of feelings either. My creative output ussually keeps me from feeling that but lately my head feels clouded. I havent written anything in nearly 3 weeks. Above all else, when nothing else was going on, I have had that going for me and now without it I feel un and even counter productive.
It's almost sad really, I feel quite emotionless. I have my fears and worries as usuall, and yes I'm still putting their resolution on hold indefintly because the procrastinator in me tells me to, even though I know this is nothing but detrimental to me. All the main issues i should be dealing with feel like theyve become much to big for me. Kind of a forest for the trees deal. I'm attending Bryan's graduation dinner, this week; while my own educational future is made up of "I'll Adult Education, Monday"'s and confusion designed by indecision - stemming from dreams, conjured up during a much more melancholic time. His gift:

I'm supposed to be writng something to go with it. About no matter where he goes or what he does he will always essentially be Bryan. Hope he doesnt read this before tomorrow night (I seriously doubt it), as it will obviously ruin the whole thing, and then the outfit I baught will be the only thing i have going for me. LOL. I hope he likes it. I saw it and just kind of thought of him and thought he would.
A lot can happen in three years between two people. The actions of the two individuals can make enormous impressions on the other. I love him, like...well not a brother, not really a member of family...like family but...different...like a...best friend, but more than that.
In all events I'm a loser compared to him, and he deserves as much happiness as the universe sees fit, cause deep down hes a really good person. Sweet, even. Sorry just had to put that in there.

Quite a bit later....

Remember that whole no creativity thing i mentioned before....that would be why its taken me 5 hours to finish this post.
You know a fellow poster on curvy chick posted in her journal about why when,in those shining moment of brutal self-empowerment we can so easily make these huge rash decisions, that quite possibly make no sense. Thats what Vancouver is to me. Its this crazy idea that makes no sense. Maybe I needed that at the time...still need it. Something to look foward to. Some big giant change to shine a ray of elation on my self inflicted tedium (ya know the one i cant complain about ;) ).

So Conan's done with his monologue, maybe I can find some happiness in my sleep, tonight. Man thats melodramtic even for me.

Posted At|6:13 PM|

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Monday, May 16, 2005

\\*"I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting..."*//

Im not a big fan of hip hop, my brother is and is constantly trying to convert me. He yell's that im a poser for "listening to that stupid hippie ass rock shit" and "that its all about" 50 or Em or Dre or The Game or whoevers got the newest "hot shit". But just the other night he let me in on this new album he just got. An indpendent record: "Revouloutionary II", by an artist named Immortal Technique, who's supposedly very big in the underground rap scene. I wouldnt know, like i said I'm not into rap all that much. Unless its very mainstream I'll probably never hear about it.
But this is a special case, and I'm glad I did hear it. This guy was astounding.
Far be it from me, a 19 year old white chick who prefers System of a Down and Jack Johnson to Jay-Z and Kanye, to judge a hip-hop artist. Thats not what i'm doing.
I am infact propping an artist which I think is a rarity, not only in hip hop but in music period.
So whats the rarity? Why is this guy so special?
Three reasons: He's real, he's brutally honest, and most notably he's edjucated. The few rap artists I do listen to occasionally all are.
Most of the time its because they have taken it upon themselves to do so. I.T. has more knowledge packed into one album. Than most other artists of the genre exhibit over an entire career.
More intrestingly, he champions non-apathy. He forms his own enlightened opinions about everything from AIDS to Iraq to the South American drug trade. He has taken the time to get all the facts about what hes talking about, and then puts it out there to a hot beat along with his own fully thought out conclusions, encouraging listeners to do the same.
I'll tell why I don't listen to have a lot of intrest in hip-hop, it simple really. Nearly every one of the artists in the genre are braggers. And thats all they put into theyre music. Even if theyre low key undergrounders...they brag. About what they have, what they dont have, where theyre from, how they do things, how hard it was comin up, how hard it still is, how good it is now (if they're generally famous). Very rarely though, you get an artist, a true artist, who wants to educate and inform and make a little bit of a difference instead of inciting indiffrence.
I praise Immortal Technique, for being something that doesnt come along to much in any part of music: original.
No matter what your into do the world a favor....Go buy this album.

"Revouloutionary Vol. 2" - Immortal Technique

Posted At|5:42 PM|

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Sunday, May 15, 2005

\\*"Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe."*//

Just a quick short post. I'm about to go back to sleep for the second time tonight.
I did a lot of work on my personal info page and finally got my gallery in order. Not all my pics are up just the 6 newest ones aka the "Talking Pillows" Series. All of which are hosted by photobucket. Which i highly reccomend...They're linked in the props section but I think they deserve more. They're very under appreciated ( i think) kinda like google. Every one takes them for granted.
Complaing seems to get you things...in my case complaining here got me my book. Well it got delivered the next day.
Anyway im loving it and people are right , it is the acting bible.
I highly vouch for Michael Shurtleff's "Audition"
mmkk well my go to bed alarm is going off...so i better do as it says...I'll explain about my sleeping sitchy later..its quite intresting, Youll love it i promise.

Posted At|2:20 AM|

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

\\*hi...again*//

Ah my little red headed step child...my blog! lol.
Ok well lets get right down to it ive been meaning for sometime now to post my fanlisting codes. I'm a habitual procrastonator...so i have a few that ive been meaning to post over in the links section.

My poker face sucks yes i know...ok im lying i have 8 ( i thnk) ...that i just joined tonight. i started with Constantine and went crazy for a few minutes. Also as a side note: Please forgive my vagrant overuse of ellipses.

Anyway, mmmk so ive been doing my home work on this Vancouver move thing. I checked out Canadian Immigration and guess what...turns out they're actully picky about who they let in. Who'da thunk it?

You have to qualify for one of 5 visas, none of which I do. The one I'd be most likely to get is a skilled workers visa. Main stipulation though, is that you have to have proof of at least a years worth of job experience in a certain feild.

I have no job, job experience, or HS diploma. But silver linings have a way of emerging, I also have no money. So In finding, getting, and holding down a job. I'll be able to hoarde some dinero, about a years worth. Sweet.

Now about actully finding a job...I have an appointment with the postal service to take the written exam in a couple of weeks. If I pass I get to take a typing test. and if I past that I get to take a urine test. (While they are the department most everyone has daily interaction with, we must remember that they are part of the government....they hate spending money too. Which is why the drug exam is last. Right? right.)

Now for something completly different. Again I must request that all my adoring fans stop emailing me about posting new photos.

PFFT~SNORT~HEHE. Ok sorry had to laugh myself at the absurdity of that last line. First off i have gotten no emails, and second Ive never warned anyone on this site or anyother to stop emailing me. That, and the fact that it just sounded so damn arrogant. If I ever get like that for whatever reason, I have instructed my family to have me instituted ...or shot. Just not in my face. Id like to know that left a beautiful corpse.

That part im not kidding about.

In pursuant to my acting... i musterd up some courage ( I have a fear of spending money) and purchased a few books online.

"Churchill Plays : Two - Softcops, Top Girls, Fen, Serious Money"; I bought this beacuse Camryn Manheim said her first lead theatre roll was in Fen. I've read it and its good. The director in me wants to change the accents and setting from English countryside to southern US, the characters from dirt poor english women to migrant workers, and the time and language to something more recent. The story is good and the lead of Val is well writen, but I find my self being drawn to Angela. Shes just one of the girls, but at home shes in charge of her teenage step daughter whom she abuses badly because of her own insecurity. Shes so incredibly different from me. Being mean baisicly to show that she has power over Becky. Itd be challenging to play her, which is what makes her perfect.

The otherplays I havent gotten to yet, although Top Girls looks interesting, busy, but interesting.

The second book i got was Henrik Ibsen's "A Doll's House". I've read through most if it and i'm am stunned. It was written nearly 100 years before the sexual revoloution of the 1960's and 70's and here is this independent, TCB type woman. Nora is one bad bitch if I do say so myself. Shes kinda got this Brie Van de Kamp thing goin on. The local medical specialist even has a thing for her. And I do. Her lines in the ACT III, last scene are downright ballsy. Most women wouldnt dare say them today. Thats probably why it "scandilized" its first audiences back in the late 1800's, or so it says in the notes.

I would write about the third book I bought, "Audition", but I havent gotten it yet! Everyone
beware of Amazon seller: allnewbooks
S/He apparently ships slowly. S/He is a W****r. :) unlike
sellers florilibra and nengland4 who rock!
and ship uber fast...i got what i ordered from them withing 3 days

Well kiddies, its 0230....oh man millitary time. i gotta stop watchin streaming stargate on winamp. If only i could get on the curb your enthusiasm stream....oh well. More more much more later. But for now I leave you with some newbad poetry

Loss of the day AKA The stupidity of staying up all night.
The sun will not wait for me
I try to switch up my patterns
Try to outsmart it

My eyes can't stay open
While grandmother eats her eggs
I have lost

Sol Rey and Sueño Reina, heretical adversaries they are
Liking to condemn one to the war time standards ; as punishment
Even though the fight was given up long ago

I try to sneak past
Escape the new circadian adjustments
But its just too damn hard

6am on the clock
And the double heiarchy has sent slaves
To build pyrimids upon my lids

Within seconds the day is an apathetic teenager
Speeding along
I am the parent who knows nothing of it

For me the time between sunrise and sunset
Is literally but a matter of minutes
With faint scenes of the prophetic surreal spanning

Posted At|10:37 PM|

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