______Orsanovo 4.0 - Fall Calling ~ Coming Into My Own______

Saturday, April 23, 2005

\\*Lyrical Engineering Vol. 2*//

I found this in an old journal I came across last night...I have it down as untitled but, I think i;m gonna rename it Riddled With Allusion, 'cause its well...riddled with allusion. So much so that even I dont remmeber some of the stuff I was refering to. It's free form so...yeah here goes.
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I watch the Idols in front of me
What I wish my future to be
All this as I fall in love again
tottally absorbed in my fairy tale
Family laughs, as I yell
For attention
but I take no offense
as I write, let it slip
I'm happy with myself becasue everyhting is right
No need to fight tonight
While I shoot the moon
and wish on a lonestar thats oh so far
for the simple fact
that we have so much in common

And little Frankie wonders
If anyone wants him to live
While Angela keeps watch by the fire
It's his story that inspires me
I want to be free

Royalty in a passed life
The fashion I still hold dear
The starburst on my hand
Represents my fear
spiralling down...
and again I see
the few who are far between my lies
monday and thursday nights
Are my sanctuary

And Anne again wonders
If she will ever be free
On that third floor
with only kitty for company

Nor sing me another illeagal tune
Make it worth my while and I'll pay noon
Somewhere between you and
Chris my inspiration flows
Now I know Im happy that this is what i chose
And give Aly the message
That I forgot the call
Also tell Blue that its Ami!
and I'll straighten it out the next time i see him.
but until then
I'll still worry about him driving hime alone in the rain.
to me its' all the same
as that lil game me and bry playy again and again

And I wonder thoughtfully
Does anyone really want me around
Get Nana back and I'll think about
Not leaving town

Who am I kidding
It will all end again before its begun
Lack of location shakes up my fun
And I think again
Im just a little crazy
Nothing to defend
'Cause I'm just feelin the same way
all over again

Yeh just
Feeling the same way
all over again

Posted At|8:10 PM|

\\*"Welcome death, quoth the rat, when the trap fell"*//

Thats right we have em'. Furry iccky rats..ugh! Theyre disgusting, we're not. Why we have them I'm not sure. We heard running in the attic all winter long, but never saw anything. Aparently the warmth of the oncoming summer has coaxed them back toward the earth. They are stealthy. Unless caught, gone, as quick as they came. You hear them behind walls nibling at paper or cardboard. We find the evidence later. Since im an insomniac you'd think I'd have had more run ins with the lil buggers. But so far I have only seen two. The first on the front portch back around January. Grey and fat; it's eartworm tail ruined its cuteness. The second was just the other night, behind the toilet we had set a small trap. Around 2am...snap. My grandmother comes to warn me, knowing i was on my way to my ritual shower for the evening. With bathrobe and personal stock of lavender liquid soap in hand I stepped into the bathroom not knowing what to expect. She said it had been trapped well, and that it wasnt going anywhere, so I did'nt see the need to be worried. As I looked down round the washer, it was sad. He,she, it was still breathing. The trap had caught below the desired spot and not broken its neck, so it was still breathing. The fur around it's eyes was darkened with moisture...tears?...I dunno do rats cry? It startled me and caused me to lose my breath when it kicked its back legs for some attempt at freedom. It'd do this twice more. I would flich twice more. I ran back down the hallway and begged my brother to come take care of it with his bb gun. There was after all no use for it to suffer. He wouldnt do it...I couldnt. Im a crack shot, close range is nothing, but I'm not a big fan of splatter. So I did nothing, got my shower and went to bed. I should have just took the shot.

Posted At|7:39 PM|

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Friday, April 22, 2005

\\*I knew my mother had it in for me from a young age. My bath toys were an electric toaster and hair-dryer....*//

Mom flew in two weeks ago. She flew out this morning. The whole to do was (contrary to popular belief) uneventful. She cried, Nana cried, I just stared off in front of me wishing for bed. It was after all 0430. And overall I felt slighted. She was supposed to be here for 3 weeks and got called home a week early. I felt like I was cheated outta my mom some how. Unless something serious happens, I probly wont see her for another year or so....and we didnt even get to go to the beach! i did lobby like hell though. Shoved it in at every oppurtuity how much we need her here. Even the whole time I was conflicted. We do need her, she causes a lot of unessacary stress but, she was worth the trouble. But, that was only part of the reason I wanted her to stay. I want her here because she keeps me sane. I told her that from day one she got here. She vaildates my sanity. So yes, my reasons for wanting her here are more or less completly selfserving...but dammmit i want my mommy!

A new happy shiny pic for all my adoring fans *sark*
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

New Linkage

I have a new link on the links page...you can now buy stuff for me. Email me for my shipping addy, if you seriously would like to buy me something.
Thank you card garanteed ;)

Posted At|11:09 AM|

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Monday, April 18, 2005

\\*Lyrical Engineering vol. 1*//

So tell me about the day
You realized the world did'nt care
When Sheryl Crowe became your goddess
And Tony kiedis made you cry

Remnisce about the way
Your killer eyes send cold stares
When your fear for life made you confess
How you didnt want to say goodbye

How your spirit wanted to fly
How you didnt want to say...

This is how I feel about you
Now do what you want to baby
Try to understand
That this little girl
Has a big thing for you

I fall a lil more each time I see your eyes
I do..
Cause I'm so in love with you

this goes out to all my fellow brainfried insomniacs...

Rummy dum dum pavillion

Rummy dum dum I need sleep

Rummy dum dum one in a million

Rummy dum dum z's dont come cheap

Brunette blessed with a blonde soul......

A tease a please a sea's a treason

Every day is good for leaving

Everyday's a motor rev

What's that good ol' book you read?

Lyrical Engeneering is a segment I post quite frequently, as I tend to write quite frequently. A lot of the stuff i right branches the same subject during each post, because I ussually write about one thing at a time. Some time around 5am when im dead tired and slobbing around in bed naked and no reads this blah halb richard dean anderson is dead sexy.

Posted At|4:50 AM|

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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

\\*In My Wildest Dreams Pt. 1 - 101 People You Meet In Hell*//

I wasn't dead but I was in Hell. Perhaps I was in denial. Anyway, myself and about 100 other strangers were checking' out the place. I decided to be a smart ass and asked our host (Judge Judy...did I mention that?) if I would have to wait 1200 years to use the can or something. As gracious as she is, she said no and an industrial sized door appeared in the wall and all hundred of us shuffled into this great room with stall one for each of us at the back. But I noticed something right away, as one does normally notice something not normal. The doors on the stalls only came down to about bust level from the top, allowing everything to come into view when you...ahem...went. Again being the smart ass I went ahead and used it anyway as I really needed to go. Of course I did slink back into the stall as far as could as to retain a lil' modesty. When I...um...finished I stood up and re-robed my bottom half and tried to make my exit. But I couldn’t. Judy then chimed in that snakes on the doors above us formed a force field and we'd only be able to get out if the snakes moved. Sure enough on top of the doors and walls of the stalls there were long black snakes. They were mostly unagitated, hardly any of them were hissing. Be it to say I didn’t feel afraid of them. Lucky for me, my snake made haste in moving its butt. And I pushed the half door open within a few minutes of being shut in. Apparently, I was the only one who had made it out thus far, and found Judge Sheindlin on a large throne like mahogany carved bench at the end of the room. Suddenly it was like I was in the middle of her show.
"What do you do?"
"I'm in high school"
"High school! Your 19! Why are you in high school?!"
"I had some stuff going on and I missed a year"
"Your a bum. What are you doing after high school?" She said, mockingly. The non-intimidation of the snakes had worn off, and cowering like a dog with a rolled up newspaper over its head, I uttered:
"...college?" Then it came. That laugh...that thick Brooklyn born howl.
"COLLEGE! HA! YOU ARE IGNORANT! NO NO YOU’RE NOT GOING TO COLLEGE."
"WHAT?! WHY THE HELL NOT?!" The insult was angering. Who the hell was she to say some shit like that... bitch... ooooooo... must kill... stupid ho..
"Because let me tell you something...."
And poof, like that everything went dark, off-black actually. The dream was over. I would never find out why Judge Judy thought I wasn't going to college....
So great now I've groomed myself to avoid conflict in my sleep. I'm such a Libra.

In My Wildest Dreams, is a segment I put in occasionaly..when I have an odd dream thats particularly vivid that I can remember. This is a frequent occurence with me...dont ask me why. But it does make for some very intresting reading sometimes. **Note** other than the occasional slight OTC abuse I do not do drugs of any kind nore do I drink.

Posted At|2:18 AM|

\\*Ranting in/on/over Spanglish*//

As the movie wound down the tripple supersized PMS dose of estrogen was getting to me. My eyes were welling becuase it was so nauseatingly sweet; but more than that I found myself musing silently how thankful I am that the outlook on my relationship with my mother isnt as gratuitist as Christina's. "The true definition of me is that I am my mothers daughter."I am in fact my mothers daughter, and yes I have some of the same quirks, but when it comes to life...the future...Its caused me to question my maternity I am sooooo thankful that my outlook on the relationship with my mother isnt as gratuitist as Christina's. I'm also thankful for notepad.

PMS is an intresting thing. You generally know when its coming. You know whats its going to do. And try as you might to keep it all on the down low, it will rear its ugly head at the most inopurtune times. Tonight is one of those nights. We watched a bad Sandler dramady, it made me cry. I wanted to take the whole container of leftover maccaroni for dinner, and nearly got in a screaming match with Nana. And I was less than tolerant when I brought the dog in, making idle threats to lead him into the rat traps on the back portch.

I dont get it it i should feel good! And happy. My mom has prooved me right on everything in the few days shes been here. I baught a swimsuit that looks about as good as im gonna get. Im more set on vancouver than ever. Were going to the beach. Bryan might come. and i should be happy...
Happy...yeah...

It feels like ive got a huge bubble in my chest...not painful preasure...just right above my sternum and in my throat...its just airy.
I need a drink...dont tell my mom...lol.
I need something.......
Bryan would be nice but he's not around and I don't want to call, he might be at work....
Joey's lucky: he takes being able to take off when ever for granted....I could too if I had teh nuts to get over that whole fear of driving thing. God I could hear him now...." Man...thassomebullshit!" he's so lucky....
I still need something.
Tylenol maybe? An OTC Cocktail? Couple o' motrin, a few tylenol, a couple tylenol arthritis, some anacin...and a bed catch me.
Maybe its Vancouver I need. I still don get the attraction myself. But something I know that could make me feel as free as I think that city could, doesnt need questioning. I t really is a nice city. It'd be a real nice life. I think deep down way back there that rational part of my brain still has a heartbeat... maybe its Terri Schiavo'in it. But it's not that thats holding me back. It's lack of self confidence that holding back. I know that. Of course I know that. It's whats always held me back. At 13...At 16...and now at 20. gah! only 6 months until The 23rd.
2 Anacin, 2 Tylenol Arth., 3 Motrin....with orange juice to make it dissolve quicker.
2 hours later....0230 hours.
I just printed out a passport application. All it needs is a signature, 90 bucks and a couple of pics....nice

more drabble later

Posted At|12:11 AM|

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