______Orsanovo 4.0 - Fall Calling ~ Coming Into My Own______

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

\\*Flirting M.O.'s 101*//

You know its occured to me in this whole self study/discovery that role really determine what I do, including the front line of love: flirting.

A little explanation. A role as I see it isnt changing my personality. its kind of like mood but not exactly. they change, and they kind of dictate how you act in the moment.

Example, lets apply what I already know about myself. With my mom as a role model, I've learned to play the role of victim in order to get attention. And I've noticed my self in general, trying to out do others with "Well this happened to me so many years ago" type stories.

When it comes to flirting, I find my self doing the same thing, repeatedly. Sub-conciously, I guess it's a stem off of the damsel in distress shpeil. Make them feel bad for me, then they'll want to make sure nothing like that ever happens to me again...cause ya know...I'm worth it.

Thats just friggin demented!..... Not the I'm worth it part....The victim role.

So how do I change up my role during flirting? During socialization of any kind really? I mean what others are there. There have to be others!

**posted on Curvy Chick**

Posted At|10:56 PM|

+ + + + +

Monday, October 17, 2005

\\*A Tale of Two Bosses and other odds and ends*//

There's a very intresting situation developing at work. I trust one boss completly, feel very safe around him and even have a small schoolgirl-esque crush on him. The other one, I am intimdated by. He's a professional actor, and at a point professionally, I would very much like to be eventually. His training and experience is cause for admiration, but it is a double edged sword. While out doing the acting part of the job, while he's supervising, I become very self-concious about how well I'm doing. He's done all this stuff and I've done nothing and I just don't want to let him down and have him thinking I'm a complete idiot.

Fin. Aid. is all taken care of so is the transcript request (the last time I have to visit Blake ever!). I'm just waitng for the course schedule book for spring term to come out. Pick out whats good, get to it early.

Thats it for now i guess
AJ

Posted At|2:33 PM|

+ + + + +

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

\\*"Hauled in for Blog Neglect" ........What?! I've been busy!*//

I guess it says something about how well I've been working on one of my little personal goals. You know that little one I've been tossing around for a while? Oh come on! You know! That pesky itsy-bitsy one about getting a life.

I'm thinking really hard about transfering to park ops. after HOS. is over. I could use the money and the cardio is doing me a world of good. Imagine if I worked there 5 days a week. I was also thinking about the good old stand-by of waitressing. There's a small family restaruant (Plummer's), that I officially adore. Wonder if they need anybody. Skillsets, skillsets. They're a lot like money, the more transferable they are the better.

Speaking of I have yet to figure out what to do with the money I'm making from HOS. I mean I have a rough idea. I want to invest some of it. Now if I had an clue as to how. I'm completely sure they never covered this in Economics. Oh god, I hope they never covered it in Economics. Oh well, says more for the teacher than it does me, doesnt it?

Registration is less than a month away, for spring term. Still don't know what I'm going to take. I need to go pick up a course schedule book. I need to turn in my transcript request. I need to meet with a couselor to make sure I picked the right courses for the next 2-2.5 years. I need to get in contact with an advisor from FSU and/or NCSA to see if I would even qualify for transfer with what HCC offers. That really self-concious voice in the back of my brain says "JUST FORGET ABOUT IT!....they'll laugh in you face...you stupid girl....what the hell is wrong with you head...to honestly think you could Succeed when all you'll ever do is plain Suck!".

This is what I contend with.

I'm not schitzo, I swear.

It's just ya know that voice of self-uncertainty. That little shread of victim fat-girl, trapped in the body of a fat girl faking the confidence, style, and grace of a skinny one. The part that got comfortable with doing nothing with her life, sitting on her ass. The part that found solace and saftey in the rut. The part that grew to love the rut, cherish the rut, adore the rut. She may have in fact tried to make love to the rut at the one point, I have no idea...I never liked her that much.

This is going somewhere, so more later.
AJ

Posted At|4:59 PM|

+ + + + +

Monday, September 26, 2005

\\*These are the things I must get used to...professionally.*//

O'Donnell's 'Head Cases' Canceled Already

Getty Images
Chris O'Donnell's drama has been yanked after only two episodes.

Talk About It: Post Messages

LOS ANGELES (Sept. 23) - The ax fell quickly on Fox's "Head Cases," the first series of the new TV season to be canceled.

The legal comedy-drama starring Chris O'Donnell and Adam Goldberg was yanked after its second airing Wednesday, in which its audience dropped by about half from the first episode.

The series finished in fifth place for its 9 p.m. EDT time slot, drawing just about 3 million viewers, according to Nielsen Media Research figures. Its competition included ABC's "Lost," which drew a series-best audience of about 23 million in its season premiere this week.

In "Head Cases," O'Donnell played a hotshot lawyer whose career derailed after he suffered a nervous breakdown. His efforts to make a fresh start were complicated by Goldberg's character, a fellow patient and a low-rent lawyer assigned to be his therapy "buddy."

The new season officially started this week but the Fox show got a jump on it with a Sept. 14 debut.

For now, new episodes of the reality series "Nanny 911" will air in its time slot, Fox said Friday.

The ratings news was brighter for the network itself, which is up 51 percent in viewers for the start of the new season compared to last year.

09/23/05 16:33 EDT

They are phasing out all good telivision. I am completely convinced. Wonderfalls, Joan of Arcadia, American Dreams all very awesome, all very cancelled.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Headcases which included the very enjoyable, very funny Adam Goldberg (Saving Private Ryan, The OCD roommate in those few episodes of Friends) and the very fine Chris O'Donnell; was canceled after two episodes.
TWO!
I didnt even have time to really invest in the characters, who might I add were an odd but positviley contrasted pair.

These characters could have grown on me! It's a damn cryin' shame! I think I could have really liked it.

Posted At|11:11 AM|

+ + + + +

Friday, September 23, 2005

\\*It's my Party and I'll Cry If I Want To.*//

...

Posted At|12:40 AM|

+ + + + +

Sunday, September 18, 2005

\\*Great Powdered Thighs Rides...er Writes Again!*//

Posted by KoKoDiva05 @ Curvy Chick
Big Girls Blue's
Hi ladies, as some of you may know, I am writing a book and my main character is an overweight teen who becomes an overweight adult. I am an over weight teen going into adulthood, and I have my own struggles with this and have been putting them into my book I was curious as to what experiences some of you may have had... Good or bad concerning weight. I would like to know so that I can put a more well rounded struggle into the story. Anything would be useful just need a little more inspiration and information to be accurate. Thank you ladies so much and have a blessed night

A Reply by AJ:
Sounds like you writing my recent biography lol.

The past 5 years Id say might be helpful, 15-20...the story of big girl growing into a mighty woman...hehe j/k.

In all seriousness, its been about defining love. not so much what it is, I'm still not completly sure. But more of what its not. Attraction not equating to love is one of the biggest things I've had to absorb. Because I had low self esteem from being overweight i was a late bloomer, cliche...i know. anyway When I started a new school at 17 I met bryan. The attraction was mutual but between his affectionate actions and my sense of hopeless romanticisim I convinced my self it was serious. I infatuated myself with him. After two years things were going great..in my head. Hindsight he was wishy washy A LOT. A week after graduation he broke it off, apparently It was too much for him and It was meaningless. I cried, of course i cried. For 3 days I laid in bed, over him. Then I went into denial mode. I was happy, I was working out, dancing, singing...hurricane bryan had passed and the sun was shining again.

Then a month later my mom called. Again. Begging for a plane ticket home from her tyranical husband. We obliged, wiring her her proverbial get of jail free card. It wasnt long after she got here I started really working on myself. I had made a pledge back when i was 15 to be as little like her as possible, as the last thing I wanted to do was end up living anything close to her life. I started observing my mom, seeing psychological trends and keeping notes in my personal journal, comparing my actions to hers. I found that I was breaking the promise I made to myself 5 years ago sensationaly.

When it came to relationships I was mirroring her. I found her (and subseqently myself) "emotionaly easy" . Any guy that showed attraction or intrest, immediatly became/becomes her everything, her life, her obbsession, her reason for living, her real love...on an emotional level.

I realized she did this because, she didnt value her self enough to be happy alone. Infact, at no point in my life has she been alone for more than a few months. It was my father7 years..divorce...6 months alone...Carlos-10 years..break up...2-3 months alone..Michael ever since. It occured to me that being apart of someone else is what validates her as a person, in her mind. She's trying to fit in somewhere. Story of my life since 2nd grade!

Since then it has really sunk in that I MUST learn to value myself as an individual. It's OK to be alone and work on myself...love myself for who I am; which is what I want to do at this time in my life. And when I want to date...I'll date...on my terms and not every little thing will be serious. It may sound silly but it was a hard thing to do, to really look at my mom like that, to accept those concepts, but it was quite possibly the greatest gift i've ever given myself.

Posted At|1:51 AM|

+ + + + +

Monday, September 12, 2005

\\*You know what they say about apples and trees...*//

Reposted from college confidential discussion

"Why should we hear about body bags and deaths. Oh, I mean, it's not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?"~~Barbara Bush on ABC's "Good Morning America" on March 18, 2003.

"George was always such an uncurious child just like I was. It’s such an ugly world full of poverty and hunger. I did the best I could to keep him from questioning too many things."~~Reflections: Life after the White House

"As long as "those people" are kept outside of the country clubs and my home, why would I waste time sullying the pristine soul that God gave me? I’m so thankful that George turned out as vacuous as I am.."~~Reflections: Life after the White House

Posted At|5:07 PM|

+ + + + +


	Getty Images Chris O'Donnell's drama has been yanked after only two episodes. Talk About It: Post Messages